Today during a coaching session, my client said “Gosh Jean, why can’t I remember to do that?”
What was this person referring to? It was the skill of asking a powerful question instead of trying to figure out the most brilliant thing to say (statement).
Often (as in nearly every session) I hear my clients trying to figure out why someone else is behaving the way they are – making certain choices – doing things a certain way. They are looking for the answer!
Why would you try to figure out the answer to something without having all the information necessary to get to an answer? Why would you work harder at finding the answer than the person who actually knows the answer? Why would you take away another person’s opportunity to discover something for themselves?
I know why! It’s because it’s much easier to just tell someone something. Your brain takes the path of least resistance and makes statements. It’s faster to just say it – take the one-way street where there is no traffic coming your way
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After 14 years of coaching hundreds of people (yes, hundreds – I’m not exaggerating), I have gotten good at asking powerful questions. It’s because I practice, and because I know which tool will have the greatest impact on another person. I ask them because I know my client has the answer buried somewhere deep in their thoughts; my job is to simply ask the right question to surface it!
So, what is a powerful question?
1. It is open ended – not leading them to somewhere you think they should go
2. It comes from a place of curiosity – you truly don’t know the answer
3. It is simple – less words equals more power
4. It may not bring an immediate answer
5. It helps a person become aware of something they may not have considered
6. It causes the person to pause and think more deeply
7. It creates space and slows things down
8. It helps a person realize they know more than they think they do
9. It often brings this response “that is a really good question”
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Here are a few of my favorites that always give my clients pause:
· What’s important?
· What will matter a year from now?
· How else could you look at this?
· What do you want?
· How could you get from here to there?
· What help could you ask for?
· What do you need?
· What other hard things have you done?
· What’s stopping you?
· What keeps you from giving up?
I am challenging you to upgrade your questions! You can practice this with co-workers, family members, or friends. It’s a gift to engage with someone at a more stimulating level and bring your own curiosity into play! Have fun!
